put the pieces together...

to do list(s)...

Mon, 19 May 2008 05:32:40 GMT

05.19.08
[_] email RP about apt
[_] research BNSF
[_] email MH about driving
[_] call SJ/PM
[_] finish Econ PS
[_] finish Stat PS / review

sunday

Sun, 18 May 2008 06:51:03 GMT

55 Metra --> Roosevelt Stop
*Weekend Pass
$5 / person
10:40am

Field Museum
*Gold Pass (w/ Mythic Creatures)
*bring proof of Chicago address
$18 / person
9am - 5pm

The Melting Pot
*Pacific Rim + dessert
*bring coupon
$29 / person + FREE
12pm - 12am
1400 S Lake Shore Dr Chicago, IL 60605

*cash checks

Jamba Juice
*bring gift card
20 N Michigan Ave # 2, Chicago, IL 60602

THINGS TO BRING:
*camera
*coupon
*moneh
*gift card
*checks
*map
*backpack
*drinkies
*snackies
*BIO SHTUFF
*textbooks

things...

Tue, 13 May 2008 02:00:05 GMT

TO DO NOW
~~o1. watch titanic~~
o2. watch the notebook
o3. watch gladiator
~~o4. get my ipod!~~
o5. buy a domain

TO DO LATER
o1. watch the fireworks at navy pier
o2. more (cutesy) romantic things
o3. knit the bonsai stole
o4. dance (in france?!)
o5. make my own blog

TO LEARN
o1. flash
o2. effective html/programming
o3. [and acquire] indesign
o4. [edit:] PRO french

TO TEACH
o1. genie how to knit
o2. genie flash
o3. genie html

Livejournal says I haven't posted in 21 weeks...

Thu, 08 May 2008 16:12:38 GMT

Thinking I'd remedy that, I'm not really sure what to say.

We just finished with our production of Le Corsaire, and though it was stressful at the time, looking back at it and all of the pictures that were taken (or weren't), it seems like a romantic dream that I regret taking for granted. It didn't occur to me how big it really was until now, now that it's over.

I found more exciting knits, lost some because the website I found them on went down, and rediscovered some from my list. I'd forgotten about those! Like a bed net? That would be good to have...

Otherwise, I want my own domain. Oi. Back to researching that...

done done done!

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 23:44:07 GMT

So now that finals are over (phew), here's two lists:

For Others:
IH's purple/pink calorimeter
ES's hat/scarf/mittens
EM's bed net
ZA's green/blue sweater
EM's blue/green sweater

For Me:
Tudora (a neck warmer)
Quant (a head warmer)
Topi (a hat)
Square Cake (a purse)
* a thin stripy scarf
* a bed net
* ballet shorts

the world's a good place

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 18:10:54 GMT

So I lost my ID (shame, shame, I know) a few days ago and I've been freaking out and searching for it everywhere. I went on a run of errands today, the last stop of which was to get myself a new ID -- $10 for the first replacement.

My theory here is that paying for a replacement really gives you no incentive to get your ID replaced super soon. As long as the chance of finding your ID is not exhausted, you're not going to get a replacement. The problem with this is that your ID also doesn't lose its ability to unlock everything you have rights to -- even if you get a Temp Card. It doesn't reprogram your card and it doesn't kill it. Basically, anyone can use it. I suppose this is sort of enough to scare you into paying the money for a new ID, but not really. So it's more of a security issue. It's silly, really. But at the same time, a fee does give you a great proportion of incentive to keep it safe so you don't have to pay up...

Regardless, I asked if the ID replacement place might've possibly gotten my ID. They had!

So thanks to the amazing person who found/returned my ID! I wish I could thank them in person, but it seems that I can't really get a trace of them.

knock 'em out

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 04:42:58 GMT

So, as has probably become apparent, I have officially ridden myself of facebook. It's been a good 6 weeks. Alas, this livejournal might be the only way for you to keep track of me and my exciting college life!

Knitting has been coming along (though illegally against my mom's orders) and sooner or later I might have just about half of a sweater. It feels good. :)

Otherwise, have been introduced into the world of music. Yes, this is a sad but true fact that I am musically uneducated -- in the sort of cultural/societal way. It's a wonder that my roomie's shnazzy and has the patience to figure out my niche in the real world. Right now am getting into Lily Allen and a little bit of M.I.A. Lily Allen is kind of a bitch, but she's absolutely hilarious. Have developed an ear for good lyrics.

The Grey Album is a work of absolute genius.

Finally finished choreographing my second dance. Just one more to go! In case you guys don't know, I've got two shows coming up in January. Come! I'll get you tickets and into the after parties for free! How could you NOT come to Chicago and see me? -- Jan 18&20, Jan 19

Yes, I have shows back-to-back and in-between.

Lastly, have a boy in my life. :) That's all that needs to be said about that.

&&

the little things

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 04:21:17 GMT

The little things you do to me
are taking me over
I wanna show you
everything inside of me
like a nervous heart that is crazy beating
My feet are stuck here
against the pavement
I wanna break free
I wanna make it
closer to your eyes
get your attention
before you pass me by

Back Up,Back up
take another chance
don't you mess up, mess up
I don't wanna lose you
wake up, wake up
this ain't just a thing that you
give up, give up
don't you say that I'd be better off,
better off sitting by myself than wondering
if I'm better off, better off without you boy

And every time you notice me
by holding me closely
and saying sweet things
I don't believe that it could be
speaking your mind and saying the real thing
My feet have broke free and I am leaving
I'm not gonna stand here feeling lonely but
I don't regret it and I don't think it
was just a waste of time

-- Colbie Caillat, The Little Things

so just stay

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 04:22:09 GMT

My dad is home from China! Hurrah!

He supports my knitting obsession...and my new found desire for color:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v317/papekonoko/PICT4156.jpg

I move back in 2 days!!

***

please stay sweet my dear

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 02:48:34 GMT

In ode to my recently discovered sense of color (ex: my wardrobe contains at least one shirt of every color of the rainbow, ex: my yarn stash contains more than every color of the rainbow, ex: my knits have gone progressively crazier in color collection), I decided to make a new layout. Very simple, but the picture is amazing.

Want to buy me a nice camera for my birthday? ;D

So it seems that most everyone has outgrown livejournal, myself not included. Some day I may decide to get my own domain, but it sees that today is simply not that day.

My most recent artsy infatuation is with realism. Here's a gander at my first try. Apologies that she is not finished and is sort of not clothed...many editing processes to go:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v317/papekonoko/mermaid.png

Otherwise, I can't wait to get back to school. Too bad packing's in the way.

***

flames to dust

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 02:21:13 GMT

So as of this summer, my life revolves around interesting and awesome things to knit. As follows:

---

[1] Tea Dress
[2] Purse
[3] Dragonfly Sweater
[4] Tubey
[5] Stripey Sweater
[6] Ribbed Bolero
[7] Coachella

---

[1] Custom Purse
[2] Clover Sweater
[3] Leo Sweater
[4] Swell Hat
[5] The Mitten(s)

Because I'm A Girl

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 02:08:27 GMT

It strange that the small things are the things that make you want to cry. It's just a handful of words, but the thing is I forgot about them. The thing is they weren't real to me. But they're there. Do you remember?

It's too bad life is like a movie you can't rewind and see from someone else's point of view. It's too bad that you either have to believe it or not and there's no way of knowing for sure. Too bad there's no omniscient narrator to whisper in your ear and tell you what's right to do in the big picture. There's no one who knows the entire situation, but it's actually all of the pieces put together, and sometimes you're in the right, but most of the time you're just wrong.

Why is it that the things you can't have are what you want?
Why do we love the things we don't understand?
What's in the word that we can't help but long for?

tripping on words

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 04:17:45 GMT

“Holly, I have a confession to make. When we were at the picnic, and I was lying down after we ate, and you were talking to me? Well, I fell asleep. Just for a few minutes. But I guess I missed the part where you said you wanted to break up. And I didn’t want to upset you and admit that I feel asleep, so I just pretended to go along with whatever it was you were saying. Now I know what I missed. It was bigger than I thought.”
The Dating Game: Breaking Up Is Really, Really Hard To Do, pg 103, Natalie Standiford

“But how can you tell how you really feel about someone unless you get all tangled up with him? Everybody’s got irritating habits. If you let that stop you, you’ll never find anybody you like.”
The Dating Game: Breaking Up Is Really, Really Hard To Do, pg 123, Natalie Standiford

And that’s how you know if he’s “it,” Holly realized. When it breaks your heart to see him with someone else.
The Dating Game: Breaking Up Is Really, Really Hard To Do, pg 123, Natalie Standiford

“They could fall in love at first sight. The course of true love is uncontrollable and unpredictable.”
The Dating Game: Can True Love Survive High School?, pg 30, Natalie Standiford

“I understand,” Mads said. “But still, I don’t like being taken for granted.”
The Dating Game: Can True Love Survive High School?, pg 153, Natalie Standiford

If she lost his friendship…well that would make another hole. And how much emptiness could one person take?
The Dating Game: Can True Love Survive High School?, pg 190, Natalie Standiford

Can True Love Survive High School? That is the question. And here is my answer. True love is delicate. It needs tender loving care, the best conditions, and the tenacity of a pit bull. High school is rough, tough, crazy, full of temptations, hormones, and people who have lost their minds. Can true love survive all that? Maybe. But it won’t be easy. If you do manage to make it past graduation, I think you’re safe. You’ve found it. True love.
The Dating Game: Can True Love Survive High School?, pg 213, Natalie Standiford

---

Sometimes books do all of the hard work for you.

i'm a big kid now?

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 23:25:17 GMT

I made a new layout. I was browsing pictures and found gummi bears. It's called "falling in love."

It's cute, okay?

Brushes came from Aless: gleisaenderung.station57.net. I love them.

I have been reading Chic Lit for the past two days. It has been amazingly wonderful. So far, I have gone through 2 books of the series The Dating Game and have all intentions of getting into Gossip Girl (the one at Uni just got me too curious) and this other series called Chicks with Sticks. Teen literature was always the best.

It's just so easy.

i wanna be with you

Thu, 31 May 2007 04:37:28 GMT

As a younger woman I believed that passion must surely fade with age, just as a cup left standing in a room will gradually give up its contents to the air. But when the Chairman and I returned to my apartment, we drank each other up with so much yearning and need that afterward I felt myself drained of all the things the Chairman had taken from me, and yet filled with all that I had taken from him. I fell into a sound sleep and dreamed that I was at a banquet back in Gion, talking with an elderly man who was explaining to me that his wife, whom he’d cared for deeply, wasn’t really dead because the pleasure of their time together lived on inside him. While he spoke these words, I drank from a bowl of the most extraordinary soup I’d ever tasted; every briny sip was a kind of ecstasy. I began to feel that all the people I’d ever known who had died or left me had not in fact gone away, but continued to live on inside me just as this man’s wife lived on inside him. I felt as though I were drinking them all in – my sister, Satsu, who had run away and left me so young; my father and mother; Mr. Tanaka, with his perverse view of kindness; Nobu, who could never forgive me; even the Chairman. The soup was filled with all that I’d ever cared for in my life; and while I drank it, this man spoke his words right into my heart. I awoke with tears streaming down my temples, and I took the Chairman’s hand, fearing that I would never be able to live without him when he died and left me. For he was so frail by then, even there in his sleep, that I couldn’t help thinking of my mother back in Yoroido. And yet when his death happened only a few months later, I understood that he left me at the end of his long life just as naturally as leaves from the trees.
Memoirs of a Geisha, p428; Arthur Golden

my life's been so up in the air

Wed, 30 May 2007 19:19:11 GMT

Did you know that you can need people without realizing that you do? And only when it's threatened, that you find yourself second guessing it, that you're forced to recognize it, you realize that you can't not have it. You can't not have him. You can't not have her. You and him. You and her. Things that can't just be left aside, and at the same time, you're tired of fighting. You're tired of crying. You're tired of being miserable over it, tired of explaining it, and all you have left to say, despite it all, is that you can't do without right now. Not right now.

And maybe there will be a day where it isn't so. Maybe there'll be a day where you can wear a straight face, because it's still wearing something, and keep it solid. Maybe there'll be a day where you don't choke on your words and feel the tears burning in the backs of your eyes. And maybe there won't be.

But I promise I'm okay today. And this is what I want today. This is what I need today.

So why do we fight it?

window to the soul

Sat, 19 May 2007 19:47:39 GMT

i watched a dance yesterday from back stage. the lights were perfect and their costumes were simple. black and red, swishy skirts that lay around the knees, and long sleeves that hung low around their necks. the music was soft, easy, and lyrics were clear. and the girls face, when i saw her dancing, i thought i was going to cry.

do you ever wonder when someone becomes a good dancer?

it's when they can make you feel emotions just by looking at you. it's when you see their movements and they are flawless. every motion they make is drenched in passion. every step they take breaks your heart. and when they stop, you stop. when they start, you start. and when it's over, your mouth is open and your pulse is wild. they cause a frenzy in you, one stronger than any you've ever felt. it's the frenzy of a concentrated emotion, one so utterly pure that there is nothing else.

nothing.

Prospie Weekend

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 04:32:45 GMT

Today a bunch of people from Uni came to visit UChicago...it made me think:

(1) damn, I'm old
(2) I'm in college
(3) my first year of college is almost over
(4) damn, I'm old

And, sadly, I am still required to get my parents to sign my Housing Reapplication. That's because I'm not 18 yet. Now, as a contradiction of previous two statements, that leaves me in a confused state of uncertainty.

Nonetheless, it was great seeing people from Uni. It made me sort of miss it...and at the same time made me realize how far I've grown from it in such a short amount of time. I feel almost completely disconnected and a little lonely...a little.

Sometimes I wonder if it'll ever really hit me that Uni is behind me and UChicago is my next "home," my next "network," or if I'll always be stuck in that past mindset.

Sometimes I listen to music that I listened to in high school, songs that had significance or make me think of moments back when we were together ("Stacey's Mom" makes me think of dances spent in the stairwell of Uni, Postal Service makes me think of graduation...) and sometimes I wonder if it'll ever pass me. Maybe it won't...a small reverie in the back of my mind that'll never quite fade away...

wishful thinking

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 23:11:37 GMT

I wondered today how you told someone you were sorry when they didn't know that you'd done something wrong. Or how you talk to someone who has only known you because they know they ignore you. Or how you care for someone who doesn't know you exist. Or how you sum up your feelings when you're only thinking of how you'll get hurt. Or how you break down when there's nothing to say and what to do when people want to know and you've got nothing to say.

I also wondered if there would be anyway to make it all okay. Is there any way to really forget? To really forgive? Or is it just a game we play with ourselves, leaving tattoos and scars where we can try to hide them, but they're always there in the back of our minds. Always. Lurking. And sometimes they catch us off guard, actually, don't they always? And then you're scared, crying, crippled, but you can only hope that present is more forgiving than your past was.

So we leave trails, don't we, of ourselves and of others. We leave behind what we can't and we take what we shouldn't. It's a tangled mess. The sad thing is that it isn't just words, is it, because if it were we could handle that. We could control that. But it dawns on me, that maybe, it's the sights and the sounds. It's the feeling that strikes in your gut. That makes you cry suddenly. Or makes you suddenly miss someone.

Or the things you left behind so you could at some point come back and learn to remember.

several hours later...

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 00:20:02 GMT

After doing a lot of thinking, scrapping of attempts, and hours...I finally have a new layout! I feel as if college has been stifling my creativity. I don't have time to just design / create. Well, I've definitely been getting my fill this break. So here is a nice and sunny, exciting abstract layout!

In other news, Spring Quarter starts up next week. Hopefully the weather will start looking up, but from what I've seen lately (and what my Google Desktop predicts) it seems that it will be warm but stormy. What a confusing mix of things...sounds like a definite thunderstorm.

I wanted to go Putt-putting...will they let you stay if it starts storming?

midwest skies and sleepless mondays

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 06:11:35 GMT

Yesterday I was invited to participate in a photo shoot. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life! I dressed up as a ballerina (surprised?), stage make up and all, and an awesome photographer (a professional in the college) took hundreds of pictures. There were 20 some people there and it was so much fun watching us do tricks and seeing what she could catch on film. I am insanely in love with photography now (maybe myself in pictures?) and can't wait until I can get my hands on all of them. I finally have pictures of myself dancing!

In other news, the winter quarter is almost over! Surprisingly, since it doesn't feel like much time has passed and yet I feel like I've been here forever, I feel like I've grown a lot. I think a lot of things have changed. We can only hope for the better.

I can't wait for the spring. This slushiness is starting to get to me.

<3 I can't wait to be home...

the world spins madly on

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 22:59:46 GMT

我特别怕明天早晨我一起来就会发现我真的放不起你。

there for me

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 05:54:17 GMT

不要再跟我开玩笑了。我真的忍不住了。看来看去，我们还在同一个地方，什么都没变。说来说去，我们还在做同样的傻事，什么都没说清楚。走来走去，我真的累了。我不想走了。你继续笑吧。我不管了。

my lifetime guarantee

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 15:51:16 GMT

我想了好久，还是不太记得。你说的是真的，还是我听错了？有的时候我觉得我好聪明。我觉得我什么东西都知道、都会做，那每一次我碰到你，我一下子什么都不懂了。你看我一眼、跟我说一句话，我办法都忘了。我现在对和错都认不清出了，两个看得好象是一样的。你说一句，我听一句，什么都还好。又到你说的时就有问题了- 真的，是你还是我？我想走开的时你不让我。我想跟你走的时你不理我。我只要你跟我说真的，我别的都不在乎。有那么难吗？

this i do

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 01:06:45 GMT

it occurs to me that jealousy, this strange phenomena that occurs often from one person of a gender directed toward someone of the same gender, is something that has been inherently missing from my life. of course there were instances, but rare. mostly just feelings of unfairness, possibly being humbled, but here it is again. it starts kind of soft, almost small enough for you to not notice, and then it hits you in the stomach. a sharp pang, maybe, but most of the time, just the dull ache that reminds you that it started a long time ago and you ignored it.

so maybe if i get really sick this'll blow over while i'm sleeping.