wishful thinking
I wondered today how you told someone you were sorry when they didn't know that you'd done something wrong. Or how you talk to someone who has only known you because they know they ignore you. Or how you care for someone who doesn't know you exist. Or how you sum up your feelings when you're only thinking of how you'll get hurt. Or how you break down when there's nothing to say and what to do when people want to know and you've got nothing to say.

I also wondered if there would be anyway to make it all okay. Is there any way to really forget? To really forgive? Or is it just a game we play with ourselves, leaving tattoos and scars where we can try to hide them, but they're always there in the back of our minds. Always. Lurking. And sometimes they catch us off guard, actually, don't they always? And then you're scared, crying, crippled, but you can only hope that present is more forgiving than your past was.

So we leave trails, don't we, of ourselves and of others. We leave behind what we can't and we take what we shouldn't. It's a tangled mess. The sad thing is that it isn't just words, is it, because if it were we could handle that. We could control that. But it dawns on me, that maybe, it's the sights and the sounds. It's the feeling that strikes in your gut. That makes you cry suddenly. Or makes you suddenly miss someone.

Or the things you left behind so you could at some point come back and learn to remember.